No one to talk to

men-and-depression-16-638I have no one to talk to. I am a preacher by calling but that’s not all. I am a father and a husband too.

The words which I preach come from the Bible but it seems to be the least interesting to those in attendance. The Bible just doesn’t hold people’s interest today, unless you can bring flashy performance and video into your sermon too. At least, that is what some churches do

Nobody cares to know how it feels. Some days after a sermon it feels like I have been beaten with a stick. Then there are some days it feels as if everything went right.

The only people who I can talk to about this is Jesus and my family, because nobody else cares, except I don’t want to burden them with my depression, my demons, my feelings.

I am not alone in this of course. Many pastors go through depression, sometimes very deep. C.H. Spurgeon experienced depression so deep that it laid him low for days at a time.

1 Peter 1:6: “Wherein ye greatly rejoice though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations.” The heaviness which Peter spoke of was depression and heaviness of heart, during a time when the church was beginning to feel persecuted later in the first century. 

Sometimes people either don’t want to hear any truths from the Bible or they only want to hear good tidings which make them feel good about their lives. When you tell people the truth about their actions or anything that they don’t want to hear, then they turn away from you and your message. Many of God’s prophets in time past went through entire seasons, decades even, in which they were not heard or ignored because the people didn’t want to hear it.

In the world around us today, these same feelings are evident. From the government in Washington, DC to little towns all around the nation and all over the world it seems that much of what the people hear is nonsense. The news which is reported is about nit-picking and something which someone tweeted last week. If there were any true ground-breaking news, it seems to get swept under the heading of “other news” and not as a headline.

Seek out God and His Wisdom while it can be found because in the days and weeks and years to come, the governments may require that all of His Word be burnt and that Christianity be muzzled and fearfully spoken of.


people are never the enemy

In wartime and peacetime, this is one little bit of wisdom which never is heard, I wonder why is that? People really aren’t the enemy no matter what type of conflict it may be. Sometimes it is a religious war or conflict and it affects people of all ages, but the people aren’t the enemy and they aren’t the reason that the conflict is going on. It is usually because of a doctrine or something which was said about someone, maybe taken out of context, but once it is said it can’t be taken back.

GodisNearNo, people are not the real enemy. Satan uses people to attack others in subtle ways at times, but the attack usually works because of something that was said or maybe it was written somewhere. The hurt and pain caused by a word or a sentence can last for a lifetime and the retaliation for those words hurts for the same amount of time. Yet, it doesn’t matter what is said afterward. It won’t matter how much was said prior to the pain. Because once that happens, whatever it might be, all of the good is forgotten and will never be remembered again.

No amount of money or time or prayer will ever fix or even lessen the pain caused by a word or phrase which was said at the wrong time or in the wrong way. The pain which comes back toward the one who caused this in the first place will never go away either. Nobody will ever let the community or the church or their friends forget what happened. At least until Jesus comes again. I can’t tell you how that will fix things because I am not Him, but somehow He will do something which will heal the hurt and the pain.

That is what I am looking forward to, regardless of the amount of time that I have left on this Earth.


1623771_736809902997332_1536594980_nLife does have its ups and downs but sometimes the downs are a whole lot deeper and harder to get out of. Pastors are expected to be perfect at times and that expectation makes it harder to handle. I know that we, as pastors, are not perfect. We have our faults. I happen to have a brain injury from many years ago which is still causing me problems, but I haven’t told anyone about it other than my family. Why? Because it is one of those things which people think is just a story or an excuse. There is no outward appearance of injury and it doesn’t show up very often but when it does, it can be shocking to anyone around me.

When it happens I get angry for no apparent reason. This anger is more akin to rage which has no reason or purpose, like a pot left on the stove with the top on which boils over. My mood swings wildly on some days and then I may go for weeks without any depression or anger.

The answer to “How did you get this injury?” is this: I had given platelets at a blood bank one day and I was on the way home. I stopped to get a drink and a sandwich and right after I had poured a cup of coffee, I suppose I passed completely out. When I came to, I was lying on the concrete floor of the gas station with two or three EMT’s around me. I passed out a few more times before getting to the hospital and while in the ER. After about six hours or so, a doctor came in and told me that he has stitched up a cut on the back of my head and I had a skull fracture which went from the back of my head almost to the front.

My personality changed after this and I never knew exactly why, until they began talking about NFL players who had experienced concussions and the effect it was having on them. My life since that time has been one of, as I said at first, highs and lows on an emotional scale. Thankfully, my wife has been supportive and understanding even when she didn’t know what was happening or why. I don’t become violent, but my anger sounds like I could kill someone, although mostly it is aimed toward myself since I don’t have a way of stopping it from showing up.

Why am I writing this? As a form of therapy I suppose, but mostly because I need your prayers. It seems that reading scripture and having people pray for me helps far more than anything else could. I am sure they could put me on some drugs which would likely help, but I wouldn’t be able to be an effective pastor like that I don’t think.

So, when I say that I understand how depression and mood swings and anger affect our lives, I really do know. I just don’t bring it out into the open much because of the stigma that it brings out in people or the way that others treat the person who admits this.

If you need prayer or just someone to vent to, feel free to let it loose in the comments. With God’s strength and His healing us from within, each of us can get through each day, one at a time. Read Psalm 23, 24, and 51 for inspiration and help during these times.




When the storms of life get too rough, trust in God and in Him alone. Because Who would be better to calm the seas and storms of life than your Creator? He went through storms and trials and pain in order to bring each of us into His House in Heaven. So…don’t turn away from Him when you need Him, because He has never been very far from you at any point in your life. Prayer is the lifeline which will save you from any and all problems, heartaches and trials, if you will just trust in Jesus for your Salvation from sins and drugs of all kinds, He will give you the strength to get past all of them.

What is the difference?

There is so much in the media today about LGBT rights and privileges and their struggle with their identity. Gay or straight what is the actual difference other than sexual? Acting out a role in an identity, no matter which side of the “fence” you may be on, is just that…a role. Whether you feel like a man or a woman today or tomorrow doesn’t mean anything! The gender which was given to you by genetics and by God Himself/Herself, is the one that you were born with and it should be the gender that you live by.

You can’t “think” your way into being a man or male or female. It is your right to pursue happiness in your own way but truly it shouldn’t impair or impact my happiness if I choose not to “think” your way. Life is a challenge regardless of your gender or your preference in the bedroom, but your choices shouldn’t be forced into laws or into schoolrooms for children to learn. Especially since most children don’t find out about their own preferences in sex or identity until they are well into their teens or even into their twenties.

God created us as male and female in order for the human race to populate the Earth. The same way that animals in the jungle pair up as male and female to keep the species viable and alive. God loves all of humanity and His Creation but He isn’t very happy about our stupidity when it comes to the way we blatantly sin against His rules and the natural order of things.

The verses in God’s Word which address this can’t just be tossed out because it offends some people due to their ideas of gender and sexual partners. That is like taking a part out of a recipe to make a cake or brownies, leaving the sugar or the chocolate out just makes it a very dull and bland tasting mess. It may look like a chocolate cake or a pan of brownies but without that critical ingredient, very few people would want to eat it.

Seek God and His righteous ways through prayer and study of His Word, even if some part of it offends you. Why? Because, He gave those Scriptures to us as a guide for life, almost like an instruction manual. He didn’t give us step by step instructions for every situation but if you will turn to Him and depend upon Him in this life, then the other steps will work out in your favor. As Jesus said, “Seek out the Kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you.”follow Christ